Owl Killing Time

Incorrigible Bustards Vol. 3: The One With Mike Myers

2009-08-27T16:27:00.000-07:00

Inglorious Basterds review

If you’ve ever seen a Quentin Tarantino movie, then you’ll probably know what to expect from him. He’s a movie buff at heart, and so each of his projects tend to focus on cheesy movie genres from the 70’s and 80’s, but spiced up with modern visuals and a well-told story with strong characters. Inglorious Basterds follows these guidelines to the letter, so if you’re a fan of Tarantino’s work then chances are you already know whether or not you want to go see his new movie.

However, if all you’ve seen of the movie are the trailers, then you may have the wrong impression about what the movie is like. The trailers sell the movie like an action film starring a band of tough, revenge-seeking Jewish-American Nazi hunters known as “the Basterds,” who are led by Lieutenant Aldo (played by Brad Pitt). And, yes, in a sense that is how those characters are painted in the movie. However, one thing is made rather clear after an hour or so into the movie: Inglorious Basterds is NOT an action movie, nor is it really about the Basterds themselves. Instead, Tarantino decides to focus on many different characters, each intertwined into the overall plot to topple the Third Reich and end the Second World War.

Despite everything the trailers and movie posters may have led you to believe, Inglorious Basterds does not have much in the way of action. Most of the struggle is done through talking, and as such the movie feels far more subdued than, say, Kill Bill. The few shootouts in this film (and they are very few) are a “blink-and-they’re-gone” affair, and the gore is somewhat toned down, though more than a few dead Nazis do get their hair scalped. The real emphasis here is on the characters themselves, as they interact with each other to get what they need. There is a Jewish escapee who is obsessed with revenge, a German war hero helplessly in love, the British who are dedicated to bringing down Hitler, and Lieutenant Aldo, who wants as many Nazi scalps as he can get his hands on.

In true Tarantino style, the movie is divided into chapters, five in total. Without spoiling too much of the movie, each is as follows: The Nazis’ search through France for Jews in hiding, the Basterds’ introduction, a meeting between the owner of a movie theater and a German war hero in France, an Allies spy undercover as a famous actress and a British agent’s rendezvous in a tavern, and the film’s finale at the movie theater.

Now, each of these segments are presented like individual episodes of an ongoing series (unsurprising, given that Tarantino had plans for the movie to be a sixteen-hour miniseries). Of the five, the one devoted to the Basterds is easily the best, and while most of the others hold up well on their own, there is still the sense that the Basterds don’t have enough screen time, and many of these scenes without the Basterds tend to be drag on. This alone might turn off many people who wanted to go see the film exclusively to see Brad Pitt swear in a ridiculous southern accent. However, the movie makes up for the lack of the Basterds with another, equally fun character, the German detective Hans Landa, nicknamed “The Jew Hunter.” Played by Christopher Waltz, the Jew Hunter serves as the central villain of the story, and yet defies most of the usual Nazi leader tropes by being witty, disarming and unpredictable.
　
Inglorious Basterds is worth going to see if you’re a fan of movies and a fan of dialogue. If it’s action you crave, however, it’s probably better to look to other Summer movies, at the top of which is District 9. The movie is well-written and well-acted, and it’s not a bad choice as a first Tarantino film if you’ve never seen his work.

So a few weeks ago, someone asked me how Ponyo was. I wrote up a review in a dazed conscious, and here it is, barely edited and in original format.

2009-08-27T16:18:00.000-07:00

Ponyo On A Cliff By The Sea: One Paragraph Review

Ponyo was... well for starters, it's practically for grade schoolers and no one else, so I felt a little awkward just being there at the theater. I mean, really young for God's sakes. You don't want to be caught dead sitting in a theater with a bunch of 1st graders and their parents.

But while it's marketed for younger audiences, but there's no tension or fighting or really much action of any sort at all. Even the kids were getting bored while watching it. There's a sliver of a plot, a bad guy who's never really threatening OR bad for that matter, and all the characters feel artificial and lack personality. The actors were all phoning in their roles; the only one that managed to be convincing was Liam Neeson, but the script still doesn't help matters. They just translated it directly from Japanese, rather than rewrite it into a more readable version, so it all feels disjointed and awkward. The animation was really the only reason I wanted to see it in theaters. And while it was great to see every hand-drawn background in excruciating detail, I still couldn't help but notice how outdated it all was. There's no CG, not even to manage landscapes or small details. Because of that, it looks a decade or two older than it really is. On the other hand, there are some scenes that are honestly beautiful, but even then it's not worth going to see on a big screen. Just watch it online; the quality you get in the theaters isn't worth it.

Plus, you don't have to put up with Miley Cyrus's little sister and [one of the younger] Jonas brothers's voiceovers of the two main characters.

...

Alright, so there's nothing really criminal about that; it's not like hiring any other voice actor would make a big difference. But it's one more trademarked procedure that Disney's corporate monstrosity is guilty of, so it still gets on my nerves.

This movie isn't Miyazaki's best work. Far from it. However, it's nostalgic, reminiscent of Totoro even. It just feels old and tired, like Miyazaki's not keeping up with the times or something.

Here's to Miyazaki in the future, or maybe to Mamoru Hosoda, Miyazaki's possible successor. If Summer Wars is good, then who knows? I'm just still waiting for the English sub to make its way to Rawranime in the meantime.

-Thomas "I haven't written or drawn anything at all and its two months into summer vacation don't remind me" Panaccione

(Note; And if you ever pick up the English dub at any point, here's a fun game to play: try to listen for the character Matt Damon voices. It's easy to guess, but it doesn't change the fact that he sounds EXACTLY LIKE EVERY OTHER MALE CHARACTER IN THE MOVIE)

Heeerreee's JOHNNY

2009-08-27T16:11:00.001-07:00

Welp, September is at our doorsteps, begging to be let in and demanding that we do something about all that non-work that has been piling up on our minds. At the same time Summer, that wonderful and, concurrently vicious entity is choking on its last breaths, begging for a spare Holiday before it goes into hibernation for another school year. "I'll be back before you know it," are its last words before Autumn grabs it by the ankles and tosses it out of a 3rd story window.

What I'm trying to say here is that, I haven't done anything productive this entire summer, and so I might as well start now with this blog post before the shock of Senior year kicks in and I find myself asleep in a dumpster with a notice saying "Your brain is fried. Please transfer to a different highschool" or something.

English Honors is the Same thing as Journalism Anyways, Amirite?

2009-05-21T20:16:00.001-07:00

Here's an essay I wrote for English. It reads out like a column anyways, so I figured it could double as raw credit for my grade in "Web Design Publishing". Enjoy!

Cartooning Club: Day One

Alright, first club. Cartooning Club. Perfect, I should fit right in. After all, I’ve been down with drawing for a while. It’ll be fun, and I know I wanted to show off what I had done. I was just a freshman, fresh meat, a kid who had barely spent any time in High school. One thing new to me was the very idea of clubs. How many could I join? Do I get any credit from them? How much of a time commitment was necessary? My mind was brimming with questions, and the High school orientation had done little to quench them. All I could remember were some jump-through-hoops exercises and having to parade around the school while wearing novelty items.

Needless to say, Freshmen year was confusing.

The club was held in the same room as my 3rd period Cartooning class during lunch, so finding the place wasn’t an issue. The same classroom that had greeted me the first day of school had changed into an empty, lifeless husk. The lights were off, or at least dimmer, and as I walked through the threshold I saw that there were indeed people there. Sitting scattered along the lines of desks, they were spread in a cluster around the TV at the front of the classroom. The movie was Hoot, and again I found myself with more questions than answers.

“Um, Is this the Cartooning Club…,” I started nervously, as a fresh-faced draftees would respond to a Recruiting officer. “Yep.” came the reply, and so I sat down and watched Hoot along with the others. There couldn’t have been more than seven there that day, most of them seniors or juniors. “So do I have to sign up or…” I stuttered.

“Oh, don‘t worry about that. Club Rush isn’t for a few more weeks.” I knew I’d come too early. On the other hand, it means that I beat the rush of new members I had been expecting, and that I might get a better standing with the veteran members for joining so early. Still, I had been expecting some other things as well. For starters, no one was drawing anything or giving advice on each other’s artwork. They just sat there calmly, eating their lunch with eyes glued to the television screen. I felt somewhat under whelmed, but I figured that it would just be another change in my favor. After all, I might very well be the prodigy I had selfishly envisioned myself to be in my childhood. I was an unstoppable whirlwind of creativity and dashing brilliance, and now was my chance to shine.
　
At least, that’s what my idiotic, past self thought. In reality, I was just an undercooked, overly ambitious intern with a serious near-sighted vision of the future.

Of the seven or so students I had mentioned, only two of them immediately stood out to me. One was Shaun, or was it Shawn? I can’t remember honestly; all I knew was the sound of his name. He was a sophomore at the time, though I mistook him for a junior. I had this weird tendency in my “youth” of mistaking people for being a year or two older than they looked. Shaun was a stout, blond-haired student of calm demeanor, with a sort of indifference to the questions and propositions I presented him with. He was a good friend, and a logical one at that. I would frequently lose my rational views of reality in favor of something far more wishful, my head soaring high above the skies, and friends like him helped me keep my feet planted firmly on the ground.

The other was the president. And though I have a terrible memory of names, I still remember her face. Glasses, ponytail, Asian, short and slim. To be bluntly honest, there wasn’t much to differentiate her from the other Nguyens I’d known and would meet later on. I do remember her accent, though, which stood precariously on a mix of good English and a heavy slurred accent of the Eastern continents. She said Hi and welcome, and I acknowledged. Beyond that is a muddy and clouded haze.

And then, Club Rush came and went. When I returned to the Cartooning Club, I was greeted by many, many faces. The desks had been rearranged from neat rows into six or seven dominant tables, each one with people talking to each other in an uproarious chatter. I took my place along the side, feeling “special-er” than everyone else for being one of the first new members to sign up. The president went up, and a brief introduction speech later, sat down.

I never saw more than half of those new faces for the rest of the school year. It was almost eerie how quickly the Club was reduced to the new “regular members,” people I made friends with because I wanted the best for the Club, but today no longer friends, or even acquaintances. People whom I once exchanged phone numbers with, promises of advice and progression, now those who I shun every day out of fear of recalling those “Club days“. Ghastly memories, floating around in the recess of my mind, haunting me with lofty dreams of ambition, plans and hopes which I was too weak to carry out.

The president had left me in control of the Club my Sophomore year. Well, that wasn’t entirely true, but by that point I felt like nobody cared anymore. Or, if indeed, they ever did. Sophomore was a thoroughly mundane year for me, having to balance club duties with AP classes, neither of which I was very adept at. I remember leaving the club even before the year was up, and the next year there was no Cartooning Club.

My dreams of a popular Club for trendy artists and witty cartoonists had fallen to shambles by the end of Sophomore year, but I can’t help but look back at the very beginning of it all and wonder, just wonder if those dreams of mine weren’t complete hooey. Could I have revived the Club of its movie-watching slumber and reap the glory and benefits?

No, I say to myself. That was a task for someone else, someone who may have never existed. It may seem hypocritical and downright lazy, but that was just reality at the time. And if that’s the case, then how many other non-existent leaders are there? Do those positions really matter, and if so will they ever be taken by worthy organizers? Rhetorical questions. That seems to be all that I get from my past experiences. Maybe one day I can get some answers for them published, and become famous. But, there I go again, with another dreams of ambition, head above the skies.

Sengoku Basara: A Historical, In-depth Look at 16th Century Feudal Japan

2009-04-16T07:21:00.000-07:00

Japanese mythology has proven itself, time and again, to house many interesting ideas for Anime to bring to life. Some awesome, some bizarre, and most tend to wade the same waters: Samurai, ninjas, giant armies. To be honest, it starts to wear thin every once in a while; seen one ninja anime, seen em’ all, right?

And if you so much as mention Naruto right now, I’ll reach through your computer monitor and strangle you with your own extension cords.

So, anyways, April. A month where all the new spring anime arrives, so as to entertain Japanese school kids all through summer, as well as all the white anime fan boys we’ve got halfway across the great blue yonder. Boy, America really is something, isn't it?

Sengoku Basara, also known as Demon Kings in this here purty country of ours, was a Capcom-made, Playstation 2 fighting game, in which you duke it out as one of several historic Japanese figures of yore. And how well does a game like this translate into an Anime, you ask?

Well, you may be surprised to hear, fairly well.

So here’s the setup: It’s feudal Japan, and the country has been divided into several isolated clans, all seeking to war with one another. Right now, we’re just focusing on two specific armies, each containing one of the two main characters. No doubt the series will get around to formally introducing the other clans, but for now the story is sticking with the two principal characters. Now, I’m unsure what the names of the armies are exactly called, so for now let’s just call them “Red Team” and “Blue Team.” Each team has got a bevy of normal soldiers on their side, as well as roughly three or four Epic Fighters, each with the attack capabilities of roughly seven tons of Nuclear air strikes.

Seriously, these historical figures don’t mess around when it comes to beating the snot out of their opponents.

On Red Team, we’ve got Lord Oyakata, a man as big as a mountain and about as strong as Chuck Norris. Seriously, when you see this guy in action, you will either weep big manly tears or laugh so hard you’ll cry anyways. Then there’s Yukimura, a strong-hearted, spear-blazing kid who happens to be one of the primary characters of this Anime. He’s also extremely trusting of his Master, gullible to the point of being downright idiotic. And finally, there’s the Ninja/scout/advisor guy, Sasuke.

…absolutely NO relation to the Sasuke in “Ninja Anime #3004967975.” And of course you know which anime I’m talking about.

Moving on to Blue Team: Opposing general in charge is an asexual king of sorts. Sorry, but I couldn’t find the name, and I’m not about to decode all the kanji at the official website. Opposite Sasuke, Blue Team’s also got a ninja: Kasuga, one of the few females of the series, and as such is required to wear revealing clothing, obviously built for “stealth.”

Pfffffft. Yeah, whatever keeps the animators happy.

Still on Blue Team: Date Masamune, our other major character alongside Yukimura. He’s a one-eyed samurai warrior that likes to occasionally taunt in broken English, he’s got a cool advisor guy acting as traveling companion, and wields not one, not two, but SIX swords.

You read my words right. He’s got SIX swords. AT THE SAME TIME.

If that hasn’t motivated you to watch this anime, then this series probably isn’t for you.

And finally, we have omnipotent evil incorporated. Let’s call them Team Black for short. Team Black is made up of a variety of super-villains, led by the granddaddy of all Japanese Final Bosses: Oda Nobunaga, the meanest, grimmest Japanese man who ever did live. Mind you, Basara isn’t the first series Nobunaga has been in; I know for a fact that Onimusha had the dude as Leader of All Things Demonic and Evil, and who knows how many other samurai-themed games and movies the man has starred in. All you need to know about the guy is that he’s got a thin mustache, a helmet that Shredder would probably be wanting back, and a penchant for cracking the world in two and releasing demonic evil on the entire world.

Yeah, he’s the real deal.

Let’s move onto the rest of the anime, shall we?

The plot of the anime doesn’t need a whole lot of explaining: war is about, many soldiers are giving up their lives for their clans, and Nobunaga is tearing apart Japan, etc.

When large armies are involved, fight scenes are large in scope and truly are a sight to behold. Fights between two individuals don’t tend to hold up as well, as fights between Masamune and Yukimura (that’s lead blue guy and lead red guy, respectively) tend to be giant flashes of neon with no real progress. Thankfully, they’re all pretty short fights, so you won’t have much to worry about. So far, the real exception has been the Red General Oyakata, who so far, despite having ridiculous hair and armor, has proved that actions speak louder than appearances. You’ll just have to see his first fight scene for yourself to see what I mean, as mere words cannot begin to describe its sheer awesomeness.

Actually, I’m pretty sure I could; I just don’t want to spoil it for those that haven’t seen the second episode yet.

So, to recap: effective,if not somewhat same-y storyline, capped with flashy fights and a “realistic” setting. You might be asking yourself “Why is this guy gushing about this series again?”

Honestly, the real reason you’ll be wanting to watch this series is probably for the characters I’ve already detailed.

Though most of the humor is usually tongue-in-cheek, it still remains effective.

Why?

Because some of the scenes in this Anime are so over-the-top, so unexpected and/or unrealistic, that you’ll frequently want to replay a scene just to get your bearings straight. I mean, just look at some of these guys. Each and every major character in this series is practically an embodiment of a different stereotype found in most every anime or video game. Masamune is the embodiment of every smug, rocking warrior known to man, from Dante (Devil May Cry) to Sol Badguy (Guilty Gear). Oyakata is the quintessential fresh-faced, awe-struck newbie who relishes every moment when he gets to bask in the glow of his Lord (You know, like Spongebob Squarepants). And when these people meet each other, unreal things happen. For instance, when Yukimura and Lord Oyakata congratulate each other, they don’t shake hands or bow graciously. They punch each other in the face.

I mean, Wow.

By the way, did I mention this is mostly an anime now for women?

If I seem like I’m rushing this review, it’s not because it’s late and I desperately want to get some sleep. It’s because the point here has already been discussed: Basara is a spectacle. A show. Something that you don’t watch because there’s any substance in it. It’s more than just mindless fun in my opinion, however, because the term “awesome” tends to disagree regularly with “mindless.” And if you don’t have half a mind to at least check out Sengoku: Basara (the first two episodes, at least), then you haven’t got a mind for action-Anime at all.

GRADE: B+

AUDIENCE: Guys looking for something awesome to watch might think of checking this show out. And if you’re one of those men, then I suggest you do it now, rather than waste any more time trolling on the internet.

Remember: For all your free anime-watching needs, head on over to Rawranime.com.

Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood: The New New NEW Adventures of the Elric Brothers

2009-04-14T07:44:00.000-07:00

Holy jumping mother o'God in a side-car with chocolate jimmies and a lobster bib! As luck would have it, I don't have time to review Hellsing: Ulimate today as I had promised earlier. It's April, as many of you have undoubtably noticed, and that means more brand new Anime shows to review than I could possibly have time for, assuming I have a life. But the world works in mysterious ways, so here I am, a hopelessly antisocial geek with more free time than fiestas, here to ignore my precious AP studying in order to bring you (yes, YOU) the latest information on quality broadcasting, straight from the good ol' country of Nihon. (That's Japanese for Japan, for all you Gaijin out there.)

First up to review is FullMetal Alchemist, a series which you may have heard about, assuming that you have a rudimentary knowledge of Anime, manga, or Japan. (That's English for "Of Course You Know What I'm Talking About.") However, this isn't the old FullMetal Alchemist you know. This is an ALL NEW show called FullMetal Alchemist, with BRAND-SPANKING NEW ADVENTURES and INTRIGUE and SUSPENSE and-

Ah, I'm just kidding. It's a remake. Of the same series you've read or seen a dozen times already. I know that I can't fault companies for being greedy here, but isn't there anything else out there to motivate you guys besides money?

But I digress. Here we have FullMetal Alchemist AGAIN, only with a slight visual "upgrade" and some new content. Of course, all the new content is in the first episode, and all of the episodes after that are taken straight from the Anime. So, in essence, it's the exact same show, right?

Now, this is normally where people start saying things like "I've never seen, read, heard of, or even remember the words '20th Century Fantasy' and 'Alchemy' used in the same sentence. So, this Anime should be my ticket aboard the FullMetal train, right???"

...

Well, not exactly.

You see, while the setting, characters, and plot have remained virtually unchanged from the original series, a few unfortunate problems plague this "Re-imagining." For starters, the first episode doesn't exactly introduce any of the characters, assuming that the people watching are already up to speed on the story. The first episode even has a few massive spoilers in store for new viewers, ones which aren't revealed near the end of the first anime. Keep in mind that this is the FIRST EPISODE. After the first episode, the anime goes back to the exact same story the original anime covered, from the Elric brothers' origins as alchemists and onward, albiet with faster narration and story that only the biggest FullMetal fans will keep track of. Frankly, it doesn't make any sense at all.

The animation isn't even better than the original. It's not even an upgrade at all, as I prefered the original series' crisp look to the new style. As far as I could tell, all that BONES, the animation studio did was brighten the outlines on the main character's hair. None of the battles are exceptionally well-choreographed, and the characters haven't become any more detailed than they were before. If anything, they look blander, and more generic.

Way to go, ratcheting that bar up.

In all Honest, I want to wrap this review up as soon as possible, because it's obvious that anyone who would ever watch "Brotherhood" have already seen every episode of the original Anime, read every manga book, have the limited edition FullMetal bookbag, all the Japan-exclusive videogames, and the rest of the merchandise that has been spawned from what had once been an original series. I'm surprised that people are still paying attention to FullMetal when the original author, Hiromu Arakawa, has another series in the making. "Hero Tales," I think.

Where was I? Oh right.

Here's the bottom line: If you've never seen FullMetal Alchemist, then you don't want to see this series. Watch the original anime if you're that curious. If you're an Alchemist fan, then you probably don't want to slog through the same episodes you've seen twice over already. I'll say it again: only the most diehard Alchemist fans would even think about watching this remake. And even then, I doubt they'll actually have any fun. It's just an obligation for them, for a series that, frankly, is running out of steam. I don't actually want the series to end; after all, the videogames still have room for improvement. But, despite being fans, we have to acknowledge that "every good thing comes to an end."

It's just that for FullMetal Alchemist, it ended back in 2006, when the MOVIE came out.

GRADE: C

AUDIENCE: Only the most diehard fans, and even that would be stretching it.

Holy jumping hats, Batman! At this rate, I'll have my grade up in no time. Thanks for reading, and tune in next time for my review of Hellsing: Ultimate.

Basquash! An Anime about Mecha, Basketball and Nike

2009-04-12T22:17:00.000-07:00

Hey, kids! It’s ME, ol’ what’s-his-name doing yet another review in a last-ditch attempt to raise my grade and standing with Victoria Yee before the end of the school year. As such, I have decided to expand my fledgling kingdom of videogame reviews to include Anime reviews. Yeah, I admit I watch Japanese animation occasionally, what with being Japanese and a geek and all.
Emphasis on geek.

As of late, Anime seems to have his a slight snag in development. While other animated ventures, such as kid’s movies and cartoon shows have opted more for computer-animation and cheaper, “flat” animation (a la Cartoon Network), Anime still clings stubbornly to the old-school principle of hand-drawn art, rarely enhanced by CGI in any way. I use the word “rarely” because as technology continues its breakneck speed in development, Japan is going to feel its affects any day now. I also use the word “rarely” because, lo and behold, here comes an anime that uses CGI frequently in its action scenes.

To put it in a nutshell, “Basquash!” is a Nike-sponsored anime about people in giant car-like mechs doing battle with each other in plain-old bouts of basketball in an attempt to gain fame and notoriety so that they can travel to the Moon, a wondrous place where all of your dreams can come true; namely money, chicks and fame.

At the center of the series you have Dan, a rebellious kid who’s out to prove to everyone that mecha basketball is as boring a sport as can be, and dreams of going to the Moon because he has a crippled sister who needs surgery only found on the moon, technological marvel that it is. He’s also got an alter-ego called “Dunk Mask” that makes him look like some twisted reexamination of Megaman. He’s also got a morphing pet/mask/alien thing whose name I’m not even going to mention so as to keep the overall stupidity of this article under “acceptably dumb,” even after writing the words “Dunk Mask.” The pet is nothing more than a standard pet mascot character, of which you’ll undoubtedly have ambivalent feelings toward.

And by “ambivalent feelings,” I mean that you’ll be unsure whether you want to crack it over the head with a shovel or a sledgehammer.

Rounding out the remaining roster of characters:
-Miyuki, a childhood friend of Dan who loves obscuring the screen with her…suggestive clothing, as the main character is ever so intent on pointing out,
-Sera, the female antagonist who will no doubt aid Dan in his quest in later episodes,
-Iceman, the shady male antagonist who will never, NEVER aid Dan in his quest,
-Some pop idol group called Eclipse that hails from the moon,
-And the rest of Dan’s childhood friends, who contribute to the plot in their own, subtle ways.
-Oh, and let’s leave some room for an evil shadowy organization that appears later to throw a wrench into the works of LIFE INCARNATE.

And, BAM! With that, I have not only outlined the entire roster of “Basquash!”, but just about every single mainstream action anime ever produced within the last decade. Way to go, myself.
Anyways, the episodes. At the time of this article, there are two episodes out. Oh, one note of clarification: despite at first having an apparent focus on basketball, the series is actually much more than just basketball. Basketball serves as only the setting for more action-oriented themes, such as being the rebel, being a legend, and fulfilling one’s dreams. The omission of such kid-friendly themes like “friendship” and “acceptance” benefit the episodes for older audiences, but I’m sure the later episodes will get around to addressing those concerns as well.

Addressing “Basquash!” from a purely artistic standpoint, I have to admit that whatever slave labor factory Nike outsourced to do the animation did a pretty job with the backgrounds and characters. The characters seem to fit naturally in their environment: a sunny, backstreet slice of the future. The moon looms overhead, complete with swirly lights and holographic advertisements visible from outer space. So, as far as compliments go, I guess you’ll at least have something to look at if you decide to toy with the metaphorical gods of Rationality and watch “Basquash!.”

If I sound irksome, then I might want to turn your head back to my review of “Guitar Hero On Tour: Decades” (and no, not as a shameless tie-in to my other articles). In that review, one of my main arguments was that the company sold out, and made the game short of general expectations. Well, here I am once again, berating another series for the exact same thing. Of course, no matter what I say, it’s highly unlikely that the higher-ups at “We Are Basquash” Incorporated will spend the time to reconsider and start the series anew with better characters and writing, because they’re not doing this for the prestige and the awards. They’re here to make money, and lots of it. Despite having high production values and an original, if not strange setting, “Basquash, Silliest Named Anime of the Year” just doesn’t have enough substance to attract anyone more than the “Ages 10-13” bracket that makes up its target audience, nor does it necessarily aim to. I mean, even the characters have American names and slang; you can tell that this wasn’t made for Japanese audiences. it might as well be only a matter of weeks before they get out the headache-inducing English dub out on American soil, and then what? We’ll have yet another brainless Saturday morning series for our younger brothers to enjoy, and then what? They’ll beg and clamber for the licensed action figures with flashing lights in the aisles of Target, and then what?

I’ll tell you what I was doing a few years ago. I was wondering why the public doesn’t take Anime seriously, why it’s frequently the laughing stock of Japan.

Well, thanks to Nike and their new anime, now I know, and now I don’t really care.

GRADE: C+

AUDIENCE: Probably your younger brother.

Tune in next time for another anime review, dependent on whether I feel cynical or not.

Now go away, before I turn off your computer using my psychic powers of nerdiness.

NOTE: To see all the animes your brain could ever handle, head over to http://www.rawranime.com/, the largest anime library known to mankind. And best of all, it’s free!

Added note: Apparently, the animation studio responsible for Basquash's animation is "Satelight," who've also helped with "Hellsing Ultimate," an anime series I actually like. With any luck, the next review might not be so cynical, after all.

Physics Fun Day: certainly an experience

2009-03-08T22:29:00.000-07:00

Physics Fun Day
By Thomas Panaccione

It was 8:00 a.m., and already a hearty crowd had gatherer outside the gates of Knott’s Berry Farm.

Well, of course there was a crowd. It was Physics Fun Day, and fun waited for no student.

As I entered the park with my fellow colleagues, I couldn’t help but notice how serene the park appeared to be. Roller coasters with no passengers roared overhead. Walkways with room to run across, no sea of people to wade through. Popular rides to which there were no lines. This amusement park was free for the taking, at least for another hour. And yet, we had no time to dawdle, no time to sightsee, for we were physics students. And, unlike most sightseers, we had a clear and definitive purpose: extra credit.

And extra credit means answers. And answers mean questions. Many, many questions. A veritable pamphlet of questions, in fact, revolving around a number of rides around the park. Most of the major attractions had about three to five questions each, ranging from simple to downright brain-crunching, though the majority of these questions boiled down to the tried-and-true “graphing calculator solves all of life’s hardships” method. However, despite Knott’s claims to the contrary, about a half of the park was closed off when we arrived, and as left most of the packet closed off until further notice. We could not access the rest of the park until the park was open to the public, which hung a giant question mark over why we couldn’t just stop by at 9:00.

But I digress. After all, we eventually had our chance to access all the rides. In the meantime, my friend and I spent our time and spare change at the arcade. I figured I still had a duty to learn at least something while I was there, and so I deduced the following. I must be the worst Dance Dance Revolution player in the history of mankind. After fruitlessly attempting to beat the first song on “Light” mode, I scraped up whatever dignity I had left with me and made my way back to the Boardwalk Ballroom, our rendezvous point. There, our teachers handed us our equipment, last words of advice, and a sound farewell. From there, whatever we wanted to first was up to us.

In addition to taking observations and calculations of the park’s rides, the packet also included some alternative means of credit, ranging from paper-tower-building contests to listening on a lecture about Pressure and Fluids. Though interactive and fun, some of these activities would be exclusive only to a selective few students from each school.

We decided to take one of the easier rides on our list, the Timber Mountain Log Ride. Our group’s first dilemma reared its ugly head when I realized that I had forgotten to bring my ruler. We were momentarily stranded; with no way to measure how much yarn was needed to measure a distance of two yards, a crucial piece of our equations would have to go undecided. However, that was when I remembered I had brought 8.5 x 11 in. lined paper, which would allow us to decide the yarn’s length. And thanks to the “graphing calculator solves all of life’s hardships” method, we were able to convert exactly how many inches would make a yard, and planned out our measurement accordingly. It felt good knowing that we Physics students were more resourceful than first glance. The sense of accomplishment I felt quickly dissolved when we had to scrap all our data and start the problem again from scratch.

But, hey, accomplishment is accomplishment.

As the sun rose across the sky, so did the park‘s attendance. The roller coasters now screamed with the excited screams of passengers overhead, the walkways teemed with Californians and tourists, and the lines seemed to stretch out even longer than the rides themselves. Lunch predictably rolled around, and the physics students disperse from their research. As I waited outside of the fast food eatery, I couldn’t help but notice the prices on the menu. Seven dollars for a bacon burger? I wonder how Knott’s will be faring the recession in coming times.
My Physics partner decided to call the rest of our small group to see how they were doing. The last place he remembers them going to, he said, was to ride the Boomerang, a couple hours ago. When he called them, they were still waiting in the same line. Ouch.

The day almost at an end, my partner and I made a mad dash for the Boardwalk Ballroom. We turned in our pamphlet, called our rides, and walked out the same gates we had met at in the morning. In a nutshell, Physics Fun Day was another day at school. Well, a school that centered around physics, where each period is about a mile away from each other, where a bottle of soda costs four dollars, where the greatest challenge was not from answering questions but from keeping your patience among the distressingly long lines. Despite all of these setbacks, Knott’s Physics Fun Day was a well-put together excuse for skipping school, and to go to an amusement park of all places. I just wished the park had shown some more care towards their attendees, a concern which I am certain many other students cared about more than I ever did.

Moon Review: One small step for FPSes, one giant leap for DS-kind

2009-02-01T20:51:00.000-08:00

Most of you probably have never heard of Renegade Kid. A relatively new, small software company, they’ve finished two games of their own for the Nintendo DS and are now starting on an unnamed Wii project. Their first game, “Dementium: The Ward,” was a first-person horror game that boasted some impressive lighting graphics on the modest DS system. The game received some critical acclaim, but failed to create favorable sales because, well, let’s face it: it was one of the only M-Rated games for the DS. Now comes Moon, a first-person shooter that ditches the creepy claustrophobic hallways of a deserted hospital crawling with lab experiments for the neon-lit claustrophobic hallways beneath the Earth’s moon. Will Moon be the same leap for the DS that Dementium was, or will it stand as “simply another DS game?”

The story opens with your character, Major Kane, sent to an isolated research center on the dark side of the moon. After an “unexpected” (read as: completely expected) attack on the base, contact is lost with command and Kane has no choice but to take an ancient alien elevator to the alien underworld. The story is rather unfulfilling, as there is only so much you can do with three characters with speaking roles. The writing, though not outwardly painful, is pure exposition and nothing else. Renegade Kid made a big point during press interviews that a strong story and disturbing plot points would be in the game, though I wouldn’t think it from playing the game. The notable “plot point” in the game does differentiate the game from kid’s fare, but it’s not the most startling change of events.

The first thing that should become apparent when you take control of you character is the crispness of the visuals. Renegade Kid have spent their time tweaking and improving their graphics engine, and it shows in Moon. From start to finish, the game plays at a smooth 60 frames per second, with an impressive draw distance and lighting effects. Many reviewers have noted that the game’s levels are generally bland, as each level you go through is essentially the same corridors and areas repainted with a different colored glow. However, for me one of the highlights of this game came from trying to find as many artistic set pieces in a level as I could. Generators, fans, glowing hieroglyphics, packaging machines; anything and everything moving in a level just goes to show Renegade’s engine at work. The enemies themselves just aren’t as compelling, however. Enemies tend to be what makes an First Person Shooter work or not, and in Moon they feel like sentient clay pigeons, only even less inspiring. Cannon fodder ranges from floating orbs with “pew-pew” lasers to blocky robo-scorpions and the like.

The weapons loadout in Moon is standard, but it won’t turn any heads. You have your standard weak sauce rifle with infinite ammo that has about all the kick of a whiffle bat. You are quickly upgraded with a pistol that’ll quickly become you primary weapon for the first few levels, and you’ll stock up ammo for it rather quickly. The rest of the multicolored spectrum of weaponry range from ammo-spewing laser to zoom able rifle to rocket launcher. None of the weapons come as a surprise, honestly. Each weapon does handle differently, however, which helps showcase some more of Moon’s visual flare. Each weapon you use has a different amount of kickback, which causes your character’s reticule to jump around the screen before returning to the center.
The controls are generally fluid for the DS, though strafing is sort of a pain on the wrists. You see, while walking forward and backward is handled at the same constant speed, your character walks to the left and right with a gait not unlike molasses. Not good if you want to avoid incoming enemy fire and severe wrist strain.

Assuming you’re an avid gamer, you may be thinking to yourself at this point, “Hey, this sounds a lot like Metroid Prime Hunters!” And you’d be right, for the most part. However, Moon has one last thing to differentiate itself from the pack: the probe droid. Early on in the game, you find a little RC-controlled robot complete with taser and insect-like antennae at your disposal. You’ll need it for the rest of the game to navigate vents and solve door puzzles to progress, but it doesn’t really amount to anything fun. At least, not as fun as shooting evil floating polygons spouting techno-babble.

One of the reasons I’ve kept tabs of Renegade Kid’s exploits so far is because they have proven that so much is possible on the DS, and I continue hoping that they’ll unlock even more potential out of the little handheld. As it stands, Moon is possibly the least revolutionary shooter to hit the market this whole year. However, it stands as such a technological marvel for the DS that you might just owe it to yourself to check it out.

Grade: B

Fallout 3 Review

2008-12-18T21:13:00.000-08:00

When playing most any serious game for the PC, chances are good that you’ll find yourself in one of two categories: the RPG (Role-Playing) Gamer and the FPS (First Person Shooter) gamer. On one side, you have the patient, strategy-oriented kind of player who micromanages his inventory and relishes the challenge of defeating every obstacle he encounters. The avid FPSer, on the other hand, is more of a quick-thinking, sudden impulse, trigger-happy hunter. Both players are about as skilled as the other, though in very different areas.

Fallout 3 for the PC aims to fulfill many different wants for these two entirely different breeds of gamers, and ends up achieving just that, and much more. Bethesda Software has come up with a system that takes the view and actions of modern FPSes while adding an inventory and a slightly “turn-based” aiming system to the mix. On top of menus, inventory, and the “V.A.T.S.” aiming system (which freezes the action so that players can allocate “action points” to attacking specific points on an enemy), the game world itself is also very nonlinear, and open to complete exploration, with many characters to chat with. Oh, and while we’re on the subject of the game world, let’s get one thing out of the way: the over world is HUGE. Like, Grand Theft Auto HUGE. And though most RPGs do tend to be expansive, few of them let you go anywhere with as little boundaries as Fallout 3 allows. Example: Do you see that collapsed freeway intersection in the distance? That isn’t background. You can walk there, get on top of it (provided that it’s at ground level), and fight whatever scum is living on top of it. And when you look upon this giant world for the very first time, you might want to place your hands over your eyes to prevent them from popping out.

For those of you not in the know, Fallout is a post-nuclear apocalyptic wasteland RPG series, where you spend your days exploring, scavenging, and fighting off the various enemies that want to kill you for no good reason other than to liven up their day. These often crazed baddies range from wasteland bandits to malfunctioning robots to giant mutated cockroaches. If you want to see how well you’ll fare in a post-apocalyptic situation, there’s no better way to find out than in a videogame.

Admittedly, Fallout is less of a straight-up action shooter and more of a RPG experience. The thing is, though, that the game is more of straight-up action RPG experience. Shooter fans might find themselves at a disadvantage with the scarcity of ammunition as well as having to select and deselect what weapons they want to use. RPG players, on the other hand, won’t have the luxury of any deliberate pacing, as the gameplay in Fallout 3 is fast, brutal, and feels so natural that each encounter doesn’t feel like an abrupt random battle, which is something that the RPG genre is famous for.

Something that Fallout 3 does have that most RPGs don’t have, however, is copious amounts of gore. Fallout 3 is so gory, in fact, that it outdoes most every other FPS as well, which tend to include blood, decapitations and little else. Fallout 3, on the other hand, can’t seem to get enough of it. You can not only sever heads, but also arms and legs with well-placed explosives and such. And this happens even before you have the option of getting the “Bloody Mess” Perk; an upgrade which turns most of the enemies you kill into “a red, gut-ridden, eyeball-strewn paste.” Yes, in case the trailers hadn’t made it plainly obvious, Fallout 3 is not a game to be played by kiddies. On the other hand, some of the gore is so over the top and crazy that maybe the kiddies won’t mind. But I’m sure the parents will, so keep this in mind in case you have any younger siblings hanging around home.

Since I’m playing Fallout 3 on the PC, I had to go through some installation and such, but everything went smoothly and soon I started playing the game, which in turn would eventually transform into this review that you are reading right now.

Now, on my first play through, I accidentally wedged myself into a rut, in which I had wasted most of my ammunition shooting at local radioactive wildlife and gaining little reward for it. After buying up all the ammo at the local store and wasting all of that, I found myself at an impassable point in which I was trying to attack gun-toting bandits with nothing more than a police baton. Since that didn’t go very well, I had to restart my game on a lower difficulty level, and with whatever dignity I had left. My second go through was much more successful, and I ended up owning my own little room in a grand hotel, with enough ammunition and weapons to last an entire world war. At this point, I had fashioned my customizable character into a sort of hobo Cloud Strife, if you could imagine such a thing. Everyday, Cloud the bum and his trusty arsenal of rifles and machine guns would traverse the grand wasteland, mapping new territories, meeting more people, and accepting whatever quests they had ready for him. These quests, though generally alike in experience, are almost all entirely different in execution. More than once, you’ll find a seemingly inconspicuous quest that evolves into an entire side plot, which in turn might directly affect your character in some way. These quests range from to stealing the Declaration of Independence from Button Gwinnett, one of the original signers of the Declaration of Independence.

Oh how I am not making this up, I’ll never know. And neither will you, unless you buy this game right now.

Fallout 3, like most all games, does have its downfalls as well. Character animations are stiff, though they rarely subtract much from the experience. Also, exploring can be a bit tedious at times, but the game throws enough diverse scenery at you that you hardly ever notice whether its boring or not. Speaking of throwing things, the game has a constant tendency throwing wildlife and bloodthirsty mutants at you with, but it never becomes too overwhelming as long as you’ve got your trusty arsenal with you. And maybe some grenades. And missiles. And perhaps a couple of mines. And a trusty baseball bat, in case they get past the grenades and the missiles and the mines.

You know what, I’m getting off topic. Despite whatever problems one can find in Fallout 3, its content far exceeds most anything bad you can say about Fallout 3, and it does not change the fact that Fallout 3 is not just a great game, but a groundbreaking one at that. If you’re a fan of RPGs and FPSes, then you owe it to yourself to buy this game and see what it’s like playing the two of them together at the same time over a giant expansive world. Set in the future. With robots and zombies.

And you also owe it to yourself to amass a hoard of bullets big enough to eventually drive both robots and zombies to extinction. Or, at least whichever you prefer.

Grade: A

Note: There are apparently reports of glitchy games, but this varies depending on what console you’re playing it on. If you have a gaming computer like I do, you shouldn’t have any trouble at all as long as you don’t tamper with the graphic setting. And trust me, it’s plenty eye-popping on its standard settings. Just make sure you have enough RAM and a good enough graphics card to play it. I can’t speak for Xbox 360 or Playstation 3 owners on how glitchy Fallout 3 would be on their platforms, but I don’t expect it to be much different from the PC version. Noted note: And for those of you that found this review biased, please note that I’m having loads of fun with my copy of Fallout 3, and if you find Fallout 3 to be unsatisfactory, then the problem is obviously with you, and not the game. Good day, and drive recklessly.

Thomas “Most Assuredly Did Not Rip These Images Off Straight From 1UP.com” Panaccione

An Interview With Tim Xue

2008-12-11T21:16:00.000-08:00

1. What do you think “makes” a senior of the month?
TX: I think a senior of the month is someone who’s gone beyond academic grades, but active with clubs and study groups, someone who’s not just focused on schoolwork, but someone who is a leader on campus.

2. What are your hobbies?
TX: I play tennis, all different kinds of sports, going on Facebook, and listening to music. Oh, and I play the violin.

3. Violin? How long have you been playing?
TX: Ever since I was five.

4. What is your family like?
TX: I have a little sister who’s eight years younger than me. She’s a little bratty sometimes, but can be nice. My dad owns a business, and so he goes on a lot of business trips. Mom also works fulltime, but they still take the time to help me with my grades and stuff.

5. What is your daily schedule like?
TX: I wake up at 6:00, I’ve got to go to AP Computer Science for zero period, then after school I pick up my little sister from her school, do homework and ASB stuff at home, then maybe work out at the gym.

6. Do you have trouble with any of your classes?
TX: Are you kidding? I have trouble with all of my classes. (*laughs*) People say I can get A’s really easily in my classes. It’s not true! I have to work just as hard as everyone else does to earn my grades.

7. How many AP classes do you have?
TX: All of my classes except for ASB are AP…I’ve got AP Computer Science, AP Physics, AP Economics, AP Calculus, and AP English.

8. What is your position at ASB?
TX: I am Vice President of ASB.

9. What are your duties as Vice President of ASB?
TX: I do the morning announcements every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I put up the marquee up outside the school, I fill in for the House of Representatives meeting, and I generally help out whenever help is needed.

10. How is ASB doing this year?
TX: ASB is doing well so far. Every year has different members, so we get to know everyone, and cater to their strengths.

11. What is ASB doing differently this year?
TX: We’re always trying to improve from past experiences, so this year should be some of our best work.

12. What do you see in your future?
TX: (*nervously laughs*) I applied early to Stanford, so I’ll be waiting for them to get back to me on that soon. I’m interested in bioengineering, and I can always go back to an MBA degree (Master Business Association).

13. What is bioengineering?
TX: I don’t really have a clear description…It’s like, finding cures for stuff, you could say

14. What is your inspiration?
TX: (*laughs*) This is like a beauty pageant question…I’m inspired by a lot of things! I could say I’m inspired by my family, my parents, and so on…but that would be kind of boring or cliché. To me, inspiration comes from small things, that everyday people do for each other. That is my inspiration.

15. What is your greatest fear?
TX: Right now? My grade in AP Physics. (*laughs*) Seriously, my greatest pet peeve is when people are disappointed in me.

16. How do you handle stress?
TX: Well, it’s really important not to keep stress bottled up. I like to take my mind off of things and go to Los Caballero (Sports Gym). Also, I can go write on my blog and talk about what’s bothering me and stuff.

17. What do you think about senior life?
TX: It’s different from what I expected. You hear people talk about senior year as “the best year ever,” and “no worries about college.” But you have to make the most of your Senior year, and at the same time homework is still as hard as it was before, if not harder.

Guitar Hero On Tour: Decades Review

2008-12-01T20:27:00.000-08:00

This summer, Activision released “Guitar Hero On Tour” for the DS in hopes of gaining a broader amount of Guitar Hero consumers to make money off of. Six months, some mixed reviews and making a metric landfill of money, Activision has made a quick-and-safe sequel to accompany the holiday season. The question looms: is “Decades” only half-a-year enough to make a good game, or is this game just a sellout to get more money?

For those of you who aren’t acquainted with the “On Tour” series, it’s as simple as it sounds: make Guitar Hero for the Nintendo DS. However, it’s not as simple as slapping some touch screen gimmicks. No, you need to also buy a $15 four-button add-on gimmick to make the entire thing work right, which comes bundled with the game. The first “On Tour” had only 25 songs, which is admittedly short when compared to its big brother counterparts on the PlayStation 2, Xbox 360, etc. Also, the button-gimmick can create pain-inducing hand cramps from playing too long, or for that matter, playing at all. (I actually didn’t get many cramps from playing, even on Expert mode. It’s like I have some sort of immunity or something.)

Personally, I loved the first Guitar Hero On Tour with all my heart, so this second outing is going to have much to live up for. After playing “Decades,” I have to say I have more mixed feelings than when I normally play a video game. On the one hand, the developers have taken the time to add more extras to the game, visually and in content. The game has 25 different songs, plus an additional 3 bonus songs you get when beating the game 3 different times. Furthermore, there are two new characters each with four outfits, each with two color schemes, as well as all-new unlockable guitars. And even though the graphics look exactly the same as they did in the first game, the songs benefit this time around from some eye-popping new stages that sparkle with more life than the last game’s comparably bland levels. Also, the game’s now packing two new story modes: playing Accompanying Guitar in songs and “Guitar Duel,” both of which were optional in the first game but not included in Career Mode. Technically, “Decades” is a definite step up from the first “On Tour” on many regards.

So why is “Decades” not as good as its predecessor to me? Well, so far I’ve been listing all of it’s highlights, so now I delve into its failings.

First of all, the game doesn’t present any new challenges for series veterans. After acing the first “On Tour,” I was expecting that Activision would include something new for new players. Unfortunately, nothing strikes out as exceptionally new, especially the difficulty: I breezed through the game’s 25-song list on Hard difficulty in a short afternoon. Now granted, I’ve aced the previous game’s Expert-level difficulty after months of practice, so newcomers will definitely get more time out of it, not including the Bass and Guitar Duel options in Career Mode. But even these new additions weren’t enough to hold my interest; the Bass in Guitar Hero is so hard to hear that it’s as if you weren’t even playing at all, while Guitar Duel is basically just playing the game normally, except that you have an exceptionally persistent A.I. opponent whose constant job is to make you fail at the song before you’ve reached the halfway point.

Now, normally similarity wouldn’t be so much of a problem. After all, Guitar Hero at its heart has always the same game with new songs, and that’s something players have gotten used to and are thankful for. The problem with “Decades” is in the song list. It’s not that the songs are bad, it’s that they’re too same-y. On Tour’s “Spiderwebs” to Decade’s “Crushcrushcrush,” On Tour’s “Breed” to Decade’s “Tarantula,” and yes, even On Tour’s “Lynyrd Skynyrd” to Decade’s “Lynyrd Skynyrd.” And while the first game had a couple filler songs (example: Smash Mouth’s “All Star”), “Decades” has twice as many. (If Weezer is supposed to be one of the top five samples of 90’s music, then I’m glad I waited well after the turn of the new millennium before I became interested in music.) What’s worse is that “Decades” has no sense of order or timing. While the first “On Tour” had some filler interspersed with the good, it still ended with a bang, with a great final stage that took place on a battleship with great songs and everything. With “Decades,” it’s as if the songs start with a bang, then gradually start getting duller and duller, with the sole exception being the track list for the 80’s. Hey, give me Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name" over Weezer's "Buddy Holly" any day.

Much of the problem arises with the game’s theme: “Guitar Hero On Tour: Decades” is supposed to be a tribute to the last forty years of rock, starting from the Modern Age and ending in the 70’s. Unfortunately, this means we start with pop hits from bands like All-American Rejects and Fallout Boy, and finish with Lynyrd Skinner’s “Sweet Home Alabama” as a finale.
Oh, I wish I could’ve made that up, but it’s the sad, terrible truth.

Even though it apparently wants to persuade us otherwise, the true moral of “Decades” is that “nostalgia is for suckers.” If music was so great years ago, then why is all of music exactly as it was in the seventies? Because we’ve learned from others mistakes, we’ve all heard the songs a million times, and the future is what we should look forward to, not the past. If it were up to me, the game would’ve started off in the 70’s and climbed up to modern times, not the other way around. Not only would this way be better all around, but it would also show some more thought for the actual rock fans who would want to buy a nostalgic Guitar Hero game. As it stands, “Decades” is nothing more than a sellout. Some people accused the first “On Tour” to be a sellout, and if so then this game is twice the sellout as the first one. I probably would’ve expected as much from a sequel that came out only six months after its predecessor, but because I’m a fan expectations are immediately raised.

The saddest thing that comes to mind about “Decades” is that it’s literally just “Guitar Hero” marketed toward kids. Regardless of the painful hand cramping this game can cause, it still stands as a child-friendly port of a successful Teen-rated game for a handheld console that every video gamer under the age of thirteen probably owns by now. Think about it for a moment: Why did the developers put up the Modern song list first, instead of the 70’s song list? So kids that rented the game would be treated to the greatest the game had to offer, and would then be swindled into buying the whole game. I’m sure there are kids out there who bought the game, and then stopped playing all the songs after the mid-90’s.

What I expected from “On Tour: Decades” was basically the first game with new songs, which isn’t much to ask for. And while the game’s first two stages are actually pretty decent, the rest of the game is rather disappointing. Rather than taking the time to gather an A-list of decade-defining rock, it’s like Activision just whipped out a list of songs from roughly different time periods to put in chronological order. Bottom line: if you’re new to Guitar Hero for the DS, get the first one instead. And if you already have the first one, trust me: this game is not a holiday-season must-buy.

Oh, and I don’t have anything to say about the multiplayer because it seems that I’m the only person in Orange County who thought it would be great to play a game that is impossible to play on an R4 Card. Take that, hackers!

Overall grade: C+

Addendum: Oh, and “La Bamba” is on the 80’s song list, so any evidence that this game isn’t a sellout is going to have to be more than unbreakable. It has to be immortal.

Addeddendum: Oh, and “We Are The Champions” is one of the bonus songs, so any evidence that this game isn’t a sellout is going to have to be more than immortal. It has to be…apocalyptic.

Addeddeddendum: Oh, and (as I mentioned earlier) “Sweet Home Alabama” is supposed to be the finale, so any evidence that this game isn’t a sellout is going to have to be more than immortal. It has to be…you get the point.

Thomas “Apocalyptic” Panaccione

For the Good of Mankind, Please Refrain From Speaking

2008-11-24T22:29:00.000-08:00

Just because you couldn't see any zombies for one whole hour doesn't make them extinct. That's like assuming your out-of-state relatives are all dead because you haven't seen them since Christmas.

He Really, REALLY Means It.

2008-11-24T22:26:00.000-08:00

It's funny, but I actually never got around to watching "Cloverfield." I figured that I'd just watch a "Godzilla" movie and "Eight-Legged Freaks" while shaking my TV up and down.

INTRODUCING!!!

2008-11-24T22:24:00.000-08:00

ZST!!! And by "ZST," I mean "Zombie Survival Tips." I was going to make an acronym for "ZESTY" or "ZSTY," but I couldn't find anything that starts with a "Y."

Anyhoo, these strips will be uploaded much faster than the comics I'd usually make for the newspaper. At most, I'll make 101 of these, and at worst I'll lose interest in a week and go on the make something else. Either way, you've been warned.

Oh, and I'm starting on the 57th one. Because it makes SO much more sense that way.

Edison Week, Here & Gone

2008-11-17T20:01:00.001-08:00

Yeah, I know it's late.

But hey - My blog, my late entries.

Bwa ha ha.

Fear Me, Said the Article

2008-10-30T20:43:00.000-07:00

(Disclaimer of Insanity: The Following is a fictitious article set in the future about our beloved high school fading into obscurity and declared haunted. Any similarities to persons living or dead is gravely unfortunate. Oh, and Happy Pagan Religious Holiday, everyone!)

Year 2025, U.S. Archives

The following text is from an old, dusted notebook just recently recovered from an abandoned Fountain Valley High School.

Well, it wasn't really recovered... one of our operatives found a notebook at the scene and e-mailed pictures of the pages back to us.

He was never heard from again.

...Look, just read the pages and you'll see.

2016, October 29th, Saturday
7:46 A.M.

A sudden fog has rolled in. Given that the sun was shining just three minutes ago, I’m not sure what to make of it. Whatever the matter, I make my way along the empty, lifeless streets. Years of abandonment have taken their toll on the once acceptable lanes and sidewalks, now reduced to old rubble, with gaping cracks that run down their length like scurrying mice. It’s funny how I’ve never used scurrying mice for an analogy like that…good thing I’m recording all this. One never knows what little thought could pop into a person’s head…

I’ve reached the vicinity of the fabled “campus of the dead,” but at first I can’t see anything. More walking only uncovers more mist, until I begin to lose track of where the roads are going. Ellis, Brookhurst, Magnolia…random street names endlessly repeating in a continuing loop like an iPod Shuffle’s playlist gone haywire. I was about to give up my search when I finally made out an ominous shadow in the distance. I stopped walking and went into a brisk jog. The shadows melted away into tangible buildings, the fuzzy blobs morphing into rigid, dampened walls. I knew I found what I was after, as the words “Fountain Valley High School” became visible on the brick wall ahead of me.

take in my surroundings. There is a long brick wall that runs between the parking lot and the high school. The school’s emblem and its name are nailed to the wall, which years of damp have caused to -- hang on. I thought I just saw someone. Never mind, it was probably just the fog. There is also a banner that says “student dropoff.” Seems innocuous enough.
I continue my investigation. Surprisingly, the side gate is unlocked, even though I can see a serviceable lock and chain still around the gate. Past the gate I see a large building, with classrooms that look as if they were built into the walls. This must be the “400 buildings.” There’s a short hill here as well, but nothing spooky or uninviting yet…

Wait.

What’s that?...

Blood on the wall. My god, there’s blood on the far wall.

And from the look of the blood spots, they appear to be gun inflicted. I know that this school had been labeled a haunting ground for years, but I never heard anyone mention anything about gun violence. More alert now than ever, I continue on past the first buildings.

Past the buildings is a “street” that runs past the buildings and follows up alongside what seems to be a music hall and the side end of a cafeteria. (Don’t ask me how I can identify a music hall or a cafeteria from a quick side glance; it’s just a habit of mine.) In the distance, I see an impossibly long building that blocks out the horizon. It says “Barons” on its side, so it must have been the school gym.

I walk toward the gym. The mist dances around the looming building. Just looking at the thing causes a chill to shudder down my spine, as I recall all my years in P.E.; being the coach’s errand boy, getting pelted by basketballs, and flopping from exhaustion after a 3-mile run.
Thank god I dropped that class in my Junior year.

I’m about to think about where to go next when I glance behind me and notice the cafeteria lights are on. I run up to peer inside, but as far as I can see there’s no sign of life anywhere. Which brings up the question: why are the lights on? The school’s been abandoned for six years, and there’s no way a light could last for that long without at least being noticed. Maybe there really is someone here, some old man Maguffin who doesn’t want trespassers on “his” property for some reason or another. Someone who periodically turns on the lights, paints blood spots on the walls and says stuff like “I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling kids!”

Of course, either that or the school’s really haunted.

And even an episode of Scooby-doo is more realistic than that.

2016, October 29th, Saturday

9:27 A.M.

I walk to the left of the cafeteria (or, alternatively, the right of the gym). There are more buildings, an abandoned construction site, and a cluster of trees in the background. The construction site appears the most interesting, so I go there first. The most alarming I notice is that the construction equipment is also still there, which I would imagine the construction company would probably want back by now. I mean, it just doesn’t make sense to leave something so valuable lying around in an abandoned school. Why hasn’t anyone picked them up yet?

As I walk past the construction site, I notice a large, circular bowl-shaped area to my right. Rows of rusting benches make up the majority of the arena, paint-chips scattered on the concrete. On the far end there appears to be a stage, with the words “Ranon Ariae” inscribed in yellow pen and blue outline. Could this be some sort of summoning spell used to conjure spirits from the dead? And in that case, is this place then a giant summoning circle? The thought sends another chill down my spine.

2016, October 29th, Saturday

2:56 P.M.

I finished the rest of my tour of the school, and I feel that it’s safe to say that Fountain Valley High School is not and never was haunted by ghosts or any other supernatural mythologies. Maybe next time, I suppose.

2016, October 29th, Saturday
4:32 P.M.

Well…I couldn’t find a way out, but I’m sure that there’s some way; I’m just not looking in the right places. I’ll try again later, but for now, I’m going to explore a bit more to make sure I’ve seen all there is to see.
Saw a few crows, but still nothing abnormal.

2016, October 30th, Sunday
11:57 A.M.

This is not right. This shouldn’t be happening. Nothing’s right, the whole world’s wrong, only I’m right. There’s no such thing as ghosts. This is a rational world. I should know that much.
Alright, calm down. If I ever make it out alive, at least I’ll have a heck of a myth to talk about or something. Maybe make it on “Mythbusters.” Yeah, “Mythbusters.”
Oh, who am I kidding, the most they’ll ever find of me is my starved, long-dead corpse, provided they ever find me at all.

Well, I’ve been writing nothing but frightened gobbledygook for a whole paragraph so far, so I might as well start writing sense.

The gates are locked.

And that’s only half of it. Not only are the gates locked now, but I swear the walls are at least a foot higher than they were yesterday. I thought at first that maybe it’s just paranoia on my part, but the more I looked, the more I was certain. I know it doesn’t sound like a lot, one extra foot of brick wall, but believe me when I say that now there is no way for me to get out through the front gate. I tried looking for something to stand on so that I could jump over the wall or something, but…there was nothing. No chairs, no trash bins, no desks. Everything that wasn’t nailed down just…disappeared when I wasn’t looking. It’s insane, I know, but I gave up trying to explain it hours ago.

And that’s only a HALF of the half of it.

So with the front gate out of the way, I decided to go out to the back of the school. I remember from the school directory that there was a large field behind the campus, so I figured I could make my escape from there. The seagulls circled ominously above my head as I stepped onto the dew-soaked grass.

Fog,

Fog and a seagull,

More fog,

Fog and the school that I swore I had left behind me.

No matter how far I walked, I seemed to just be going back to the school. The fog was too thick to see anything else, so I finally gave up and returned to the high school.

And that’s only the eighth of it.

(Note: Now, everything I’ve said up until now is still nothing compared to what I encountered next. If you cave into your desire to call me insane after you’ve read this, I don’t blame you.)
As I walked back to the school, I searched through the previous notes I had made yesterday. Let’s see…mist, shadow, wall, building, blood…and then I found it: “Past the buildings is a “street” that runs past the buildings…”

This was it. This was going to be my ticket out of this prison. This road had to lead out of this school; there was no way it possibly couldn’t. I checked the maps five times over; the road led out into the parking lot, and the parking lot led out back onto those dampened streets I had walked down yesterday morning. There was no reason why I couldn’t leave, there was no obstacle left to stumble me, there was no other way out. And with that, I ran as fast as I could down the road. I swear that the noon sun had shone on me in those few fleeting minutes, even though that accursed fog had refused to die. I could even see the empty parking lot, and the football field even past that. The sight seemed to shout to me “Freedom! Escape! Life!”

An invisible wall.

Running from the length of the 400 buildings, all the way across to the tennis courts, was an invisible wall.

At this point, I guess I could’ve checked the far portable buildings for another escape attempt, but after the invisible wall I don’t think I’d fare any better. I just realized even my cell phone is dead, so I might as well give up all hope now.
I don’t want to write anymore. I just want to curl up and go to sleep, and maybe wake up from this horrid nightmare I’m having.

2016, October 31st, Monday

Sometime in the Morning

My watch went dead sometime after midnight.

Well, I couldn’t possibly expect anything more to happen after this, so I guess I’ll try again. There’s no use saving up my strength for the “unexpected” to happen, as that’s already happened to me. Which just occurred to me, I’ve been at this school for three days, and I haven’t gotten hungry at all. It’s like I never came here…Except that I’m ^#%*ing right here in this &^*%ing place with no*&^*where to go and %$#ing nothing to do~
Wait. I see people. Are they fellow prisoners like me? I’ll write back after I check. Thinking positive thoughts!

(Huge blood splotch covers the next page)

2016, October 31st, Monday

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD THAT WAS~

There’s no escape, there’s no place to hide. All will be killed. I will be killed. Therefore, all is me, since I’m the only one here. I can’t think right, I can’t go on…

I don’t know what to do today if there’s no tomorrow…

They’re not human. They may have BEEN human, but now…
Just look at the picture. The picture tells all.

What happened at this school? Are these the living dead? There is no hope for me.

As I write this, I am hiding in a wastebasket, the only thing in this whole school that I could use to hide in. The wastebasket is security, security is an illusion; therefore the wastebasket is an illusion.

They’ll find me sooner or later. And I’ll just hit them again with this book, like I did before.
The book is survival. Survival is futile, therefore the book is futile.

P.S. Oh, and something is causing me to write cryptic ballyhoo with every sentence that I write. I know it’s not normal, so therefore I am not insane.

End Log

2016, October 32nd, Tuesday
i live i survive come down to FVHS to see what i mean

Barons v. Chargers

2008-10-27T21:22:00.000-07:00

Wow, first new, new NEW, NEW NEW NEW comic update. Yay for all of you.

Can't talk much, I'm swamped in homework and stuff.

-Thomas "Currently Swamped in Homework" Panaccione

Homeland Security

2008-10-23T20:21:00.000-07:00

WARNING. WARNING. CONTROVERSY OFF THE PORT BOW. BEST COURSE OF ACTION: ABANDON BLOG AND NEVER READ THE COMIC. THAT WAY, EVERYONE STAYS MUCH, MUCH HAPPIER AND MUCH, MUCH LESS LIKELY TO INCITE A LAWSUIT.

Signing off, Thomas "Bob" Panaccione

Homeland Security

2008-10-23T20:13:00.001-07:00

Signing off, Thomas "Bob" Panaccione

Homecoming + Science = Chemistry

2008-10-23T20:09:00.001-07:00

Homecoming Dance. What I don't know about Homecoming probably isn't worth knowing. Which is disconcerting, since all I know about the Homecoming Dance is that

1. People dance there.

2. Tickets cost somewhere in the triple-digits.

3. No Party buses allowed.

Kurab Rasshu

2008-10-23T20:04:00.000-07:00

Club Rush. Fountain Valley. Happened a few weeks ago.

Jeez, I already feel bored just talking about late stuff.

Shameless Plug: Go to Baron Banner Online for all the FVHS-related news the BBN never had the time to tell you!

Signing off,
Thomas "Boy I Wish Titus Were Still Here" Panaccione

A late welcome to a new school year

2008-10-23T19:50:00.000-07:00

Now, I know that this comic is already up on Baron Banner Online, but hey: Might as well start somewhere, right?

Shameless Plug: And for those of you who want to see a magnifiable version of this comic PLUS BONUS TEXT COMMENTARY FROM THE CARTOONIST HIMSELF!!!! can go over to http://baronbanner.com/ and unearth the "Art" section of the sidebar. Until next comic, this is Thomas "Common Sense is Underrated" Pannaccione, signing off!

A Foregone Conclusion: In Which I Praise the DS and Punt the PSP

2008-10-02T06:59:00.000-07:00

Before you read this article, please do me the favor of inserting the link below into your URL bar:

http://www.gametrailers.com/player/40655.html

And that is Phantasy Star Zero for the DS.
Did you see the video? Did you see the glorious landscapes, the well-detailed enemies, and the customizability of your characters???

And yeah, I suppose you did also see a few ho-hum anime cutscenes and character designs.

But who cares about that? The big thing here is the in-game graphics. Everything from the seemingly endless valleys and canyons to the villages bristling with color have been given so much attention that they put even Nintendo's best efforts to shame.

Well, on second thought, I probably shouldn't be saying that...Mario Kart DS and Legend ofZelda: The Phantom Hourglass rocked the graphics department...
But that doesn't matter in this case, because what differentiates PS0 from the pack is that it also functions as a full-on Massively-Multiplayer-Online-Futuristic-Adventure-Monster-Hacking-Grindathon (that's MMOFAMHG for short. It was just going to be Futuristic-Adventure-Grindathon-Supreme, but that acronym would've caused much more trouble.) As with previous titles, the game will feature a Single-player mode for those who don't have the luxury of a Wi-fi connection in their region.

You know, like the pilots living in the Bermuda Triangle. Or the scientists in Area 51. (Actually, the scientists probably have Wi-fi; they're just keeping it all to themselves, the arrogant snobs.)

Never mind. The point to all this excitement is that this game might actually translate to something else other than "Best Game for the DS of the Last Five Years" award.

It's that Nintendo officially has a game that looks on par (heck, even better) than the majority of games out for the Playstation Portable.

To me, It means that Nintendo has officially won the portable console war.
Now, a lot of you are probably saying "Well, of course Nintendo's won the portable console war. They won it years ago, when the PSP first came out." And there will be a few of you saying, "Not so! The PSP still has potential! Square Enix thinks so, and so should we!" And then some of you are saying "Who cares about the portable consoles? All that matters right now are the Wii, the XBox 360, and the PS3, in that order." And then the rest will be saying "forget you all; I got an XBox 360 centuries ago, and now I'm set for life with XBox Live."

And all of which I reply back with a hearty "Okay, but now that the DS has got an MMO with PSP graphics, what's left for people who want to buy PSPs?" I believe it's high time Sony discontinued the PSP.

And replace it with an entirely new portable console.

And that it should have touch screen and tilt capability.

You know, like the Apple iPhone-

(SMACK) (OWWW!!!!)

Thomas: What the heck was that for???

Thomas' Creativity: You know better than stealing the ideas of other people and offering them as valid options to their competitors.

Thomas: But I was just trying to think like Sony! (SMACK) GAhhh! Stop hitting me!!

Thomas' Creativity: Shame on you for doing that, too.

Thomas: Fine, I'm sorry. I swear it won't happen again. Now can I get back to writing my article???

Thomas' Creativity: Do whatever you want. I don't care.

Thomas: Jeez, what a jerk. Anyhoo, I was saying how Sony should eventually release its own DS-Killing Machine some time in the recent future. Obviously, this hypotheical console would have to fix all the problems with the original PSP while adding a few new features of its own.

First up: Portable Milti-Entertainment System= complete waste of time
Let's face it: If you don't already own an iPod or a Portable DVD player, you probably aren't going to shell out the money to buy a PSP, especially considering the PSP can't play DVDs. No, you have to go to your local gaming store and buy UMDs for all the movies you already have. Now, I'm no ordinary consumer, but that doesn't sound like a good business deal to me.

What's more is that Nintendo is now going deeper into the field with the DSi, a pumped-up DS Lite with cameras, a web browser, bigger screens, a Memory Card slot, and a music player. We can only hope that the PSP's successor will be doubly as impressive as the DSi, and-

Wait. What's that?

The new PSP was revealed already?

So it's got a slimmer build and a bigger screen...and what else?

That's it?

They're calling the "PSP Brite???"

(Cue "Sound of all the souls of all the PSPs in the world extinguishing in one breath")

And for the 75% of you people who skipped all the pointless text above, here are some screenshots of Phantasy Star Zero! Yay!

Testing...1,2...

2008-09-11T07:34:00.000-07:00

Greetings!

I am Thomas Panaccione, this is Owl Killing Time, and you are reading this blog. On the Internet. Presumably at home.

Here at Owl Killing Time, I'll be writing out my opinion about the Videogame Industry, Movies, Manga, Webcomics, Anime, or any two combinations of the previous items.

So, yeah, you've seen this stuff on Blogspot before, or at least on the Internet at large.
What should set this blog apart, though, is that I will be uploading comics and stuff that I personally drew in order to illustrate my point.

So, yeah, it may smack of "Zero Punctuation," but since this is just a blog, you can use the scroll bar to look back at what I said in case I was typing too fast for your eyes to keep track of.

And if you haven't heard of "Zero Punctuation," then just use the conveniently located search bar at the top-left or right of your screen and type in "Zero Punctuation," which is conveniently located at http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation.

That's "Zero Punctuation," located at escapistmagazine.com.

And now I'm just killing time to make the most of my first blog entry.
On top of that, it doubles as a shameless plug as well!
"Zero Punctuation" slices and dices, and can save millions on your retirement home!
preorder now at 1-800-
(-bzzzt)

WE ARE SORRY. THIS BLOG ENTRY HAS BEEN HIJACKED BY BLOGSPOT FOR BLATANT OVERUSE OF "FIRST BLOG TYPING SPACE." NEXT TIME, PLEASE SHORTEN YOUR INTRODUCTORY ENTRY TO A SUITABLY READABLE PARAGRAPH. THANK YOU, AND HAVE A NICE DAY.

(-bzzzzt)

Hi, I'm "Zero Punctuation," and you are tuned in to Owl Killing Ti-
(BZZZZZZZZT)