Incorrigible Bustards Vol. 3: The One With Mike Myers

Inglorious Basterds review

If you’ve ever seen a Quentin Tarantino movie, then you’ll probably know what to expect from him. He’s a movie buff at heart, and so each of his projects tend to focus on cheesy movie genres from the 70’s and 80’s, but spiced up with modern visuals and a well-told story with strong characters. Inglorious Basterds follows these guidelines to the letter, so if you’re a fan of Tarantino’s work then chances are you already know whether or not you want to go see his new movie.

However, if all you’ve seen of the movie are the trailers, then you may have the wrong impression about what the movie is like. The trailers sell the movie like an action film starring a band of tough, revenge-seeking Jewish-American Nazi hunters known as “the Basterds,” who are led by Lieutenant Aldo (played by Brad Pitt). And, yes, in a sense that is how those characters are painted in the movie. However, one thing is made rather clear after an hour or so into the movie: Inglorious Basterds is NOT an action movie, nor is it really about the Basterds themselves. Instead, Tarantino decides to focus on many different characters, each intertwined into the overall plot to topple the Third Reich and end the Second World War.

Despite everything the trailers and movie posters may have led you to believe, Inglorious Basterds does not have much in the way of action. Most of the struggle is done through talking, and as such the movie feels far more subdued than, say, Kill Bill. The few shootouts in this film (and they are very few) are a “blink-and-they’re-gone” affair, and the gore is somewhat toned down, though more than a few dead Nazis do get their hair scalped. The real emphasis here is on the characters themselves, as they interact with each other to get what they need. There is a Jewish escapee who is obsessed with revenge, a German war hero helplessly in love, the British who are dedicated to bringing down Hitler, and Lieutenant Aldo, who wants as many Nazi scalps as he can get his hands on.

In true Tarantino style, the movie is divided into chapters, five in total. Without spoiling too much of the movie, each is as follows: The Nazis’ search through France for Jews in hiding, the Basterds’ introduction, a meeting between the owner of a movie theater and a German war hero in France, an Allies spy undercover as a famous actress and a British agent’s rendezvous in a tavern, and the film’s finale at the movie theater.

Now, each of these segments are presented like individual episodes of an ongoing series (unsurprising, given that Tarantino had plans for the movie to be a sixteen-hour miniseries). Of the five, the one devoted to the Basterds is easily the best, and while most of the others hold up well on their own, there is still the sense that the Basterds don’t have enough screen time, and many of these scenes without the Basterds tend to be drag on. This alone might turn off many people who wanted to go see the film exclusively to see Brad Pitt swear in a ridiculous southern accent. However, the movie makes up for the lack of the Basterds with another, equally fun character, the German detective Hans Landa, nicknamed “The Jew Hunter.” Played by Christopher Waltz, the Jew Hunter serves as the central villain of the story, and yet defies most of the usual Nazi leader tropes by being witty, disarming and unpredictable.
　
Inglorious Basterds is worth going to see if you’re a fan of movies and a fan of dialogue. If it’s action you crave, however, it’s probably better to look to other Summer movies, at the top of which is District 9. The movie is well-written and well-acted, and it’s not a bad choice as a first Tarantino film if you’ve never seen his work.

So a few weeks ago, someone asked me how Ponyo was. I wrote up a review in a dazed conscious, and here it is, barely edited and in original format.

Ponyo On A Cliff By The Sea: One Paragraph Review





Ponyo was... well for starters, it's practically for grade schoolers and no one else, so I felt a little awkward just being there at the theater. I mean, really young for God's sakes. You don't want to be caught dead sitting in a theater with a bunch of 1st graders and their parents.

But while it's marketed for younger audiences, but there's no tension or fighting or really much action of any sort at all. Even the kids were getting bored while watching it. There's a sliver of a plot, a bad guy who's never really threatening OR bad for that matter, and all the characters feel artificial and lack personality. The actors were all phoning in their roles; the only one that managed to be convincing was Liam Neeson, but the script still doesn't help matters. They just translated it directly from Japanese, rather than rewrite it into a more readable version, so it all feels disjointed and awkward. The animation was really the only reason I wanted to see it in theaters. And while it was great to see every hand-drawn background in excruciating detail, I still couldn't help but notice how outdated it all was. There's no CG, not even to manage landscapes or small details. Because of that, it looks a decade or two older than it really is. On the other hand, there are some scenes that are honestly beautiful, but even then it's not worth going to see on a big screen. Just watch it online; the quality you get in the theaters isn't worth it.

Plus, you don't have to put up with Miley Cyrus's little sister and [one of the younger] Jonas brothers's voiceovers of the two main characters.

...

Alright, so there's nothing really criminal about that; it's not like hiring any other voice actor would make a big difference. But it's one more trademarked procedure that Disney's corporate monstrosity is guilty of, so it still gets on my nerves.

This movie isn't Miyazaki's best work. Far from it. However, it's nostalgic, reminiscent of Totoro even. It just feels old and tired, like Miyazaki's not keeping up with the times or something.

Here's to Miyazaki in the future, or maybe to Mamoru Hosoda, Miyazaki's possible successor. If Summer Wars is good, then who knows? I'm just still waiting for the English sub to make its way to Rawranime in the meantime.

-Thomas "I haven't written or drawn anything at all and its two months into summer vacation don't remind me" Panaccione

(Note; And if you ever pick up the English dub at any point, here's a fun game to play: try to listen for the character Matt Damon voices. It's easy to guess, but it doesn't change the fact that he sounds EXACTLY LIKE EVERY OTHER MALE CHARACTER IN THE MOVIE)

Heeerreee's JOHNNY

Welp, September is at our doorsteps, begging to be let in and demanding that we do something about all that non-work that has been piling up on our minds. At the same time Summer, that wonderful and, concurrently vicious entity is choking on its last breaths, begging for a spare Holiday before it goes into hibernation for another school year. "I'll be back before you know it," are its last words before Autumn grabs it by the ankles and tosses it out of a 3rd story window.

What I'm trying to say here is that, I haven't done anything productive this entire summer, and so I might as well start now with this blog post before the shock of Senior year kicks in and I find myself asleep in a dumpster with a notice saying "Your brain is fried. Please transfer to a different highschool" or something.

English Honors is the Same thing as Journalism Anyways, Amirite?

Here's an essay I wrote for English. It reads out like a column anyways, so I figured it could double as raw credit for my grade in "Web Design Publishing". Enjoy!

Cartooning Club: Day One

Alright, first club. Cartooning Club. Perfect, I should fit right in. After all, I’ve been down with drawing for a while. It’ll be fun, and I know I wanted to show off what I had done. I was just a freshman, fresh meat, a kid who had barely spent any time in High school. One thing new to me was the very idea of clubs. How many could I join? Do I get any credit from them? How much of a time commitment was necessary? My mind was brimming with questions, and the High school orientation had done little to quench them. All I could remember were some jump-through-hoops exercises and having to parade around the school while wearing novelty items.

Needless to say, Freshmen year was confusing.

The club was held in the same room as my 3rd period Cartooning class during lunch, so finding the place wasn’t an issue. The same classroom that had greeted me the first day of school had changed into an empty, lifeless husk. The lights were off, or at least dimmer, and as I walked through the threshold I saw that there were indeed people there. Sitting scattered along the lines of desks, they were spread in a cluster around the TV at the front of the classroom. The movie was Hoot, and again I found myself with more questions than answers.

“Um, Is this the Cartooning Club…,” I started nervously, as a fresh-faced draftees would respond to a Recruiting officer. “Yep.” came the reply, and so I sat down and watched Hoot along with the others. There couldn’t have been more than seven there that day, most of them seniors or juniors. “So do I have to sign up or…” I stuttered.

“Oh, don‘t worry about that. Club Rush isn’t for a few more weeks.” I knew I’d come too early. On the other hand, it means that I beat the rush of new members I had been expecting, and that I might get a better standing with the veteran members for joining so early. Still, I had been expecting some other things as well. For starters, no one was drawing anything or giving advice on each other’s artwork. They just sat there calmly, eating their lunch with eyes glued to the television screen. I felt somewhat under whelmed, but I figured that it would just be another change in my favor. After all, I might very well be the prodigy I had selfishly envisioned myself to be in my childhood. I was an unstoppable whirlwind of creativity and dashing brilliance, and now was my chance to shine.
　
At least, that’s what my idiotic, past self thought. In reality, I was just an undercooked, overly ambitious intern with a serious near-sighted vision of the future.

Of the seven or so students I had mentioned, only two of them immediately stood out to me. One was Shaun, or was it Shawn? I can’t remember honestly; all I knew was the sound of his name. He was a sophomore at the time, though I mistook him for a junior. I had this weird tendency in my “youth” of mistaking people for being a year or two older than they looked. Shaun was a stout, blond-haired student of calm demeanor, with a sort of indifference to the questions and propositions I presented him with. He was a good friend, and a logical one at that. I would frequently lose my rational views of reality in favor of something far more wishful, my head soaring high above the skies, and friends like him helped me keep my feet planted firmly on the ground.

The other was the president. And though I have a terrible memory of names, I still remember her face. Glasses, ponytail, Asian, short and slim. To be bluntly honest, there wasn’t much to differentiate her from the other Nguyens I’d known and would meet later on. I do remember her accent, though, which stood precariously on a mix of good English and a heavy slurred accent of the Eastern continents. She said Hi and welcome, and I acknowledged. Beyond that is a muddy and clouded haze.

And then, Club Rush came and went. When I returned to the Cartooning Club, I was greeted by many, many faces. The desks had been rearranged from neat rows into six or seven dominant tables, each one with people talking to each other in an uproarious chatter. I took my place along the side, feeling “special-er” than everyone else for being one of the first new members to sign up. The president went up, and a brief introduction speech later, sat down.

I never saw more than half of those new faces for the rest of the school year. It was almost eerie how quickly the Club was reduced to the new “regular members,” people I made friends with because I wanted the best for the Club, but today no longer friends, or even acquaintances. People whom I once exchanged phone numbers with, promises of advice and progression, now those who I shun every day out of fear of recalling those “Club days“. Ghastly memories, floating around in the recess of my mind, haunting me with lofty dreams of ambition, plans and hopes which I was too weak to carry out.

The president had left me in control of the Club my Sophomore year. Well, that wasn’t entirely true, but by that point I felt like nobody cared anymore. Or, if indeed, they ever did. Sophomore was a thoroughly mundane year for me, having to balance club duties with AP classes, neither of which I was very adept at. I remember leaving the club even before the year was up, and the next year there was no Cartooning Club.

My dreams of a popular Club for trendy artists and witty cartoonists had fallen to shambles by the end of Sophomore year, but I can’t help but look back at the very beginning of it all and wonder, just wonder if those dreams of mine weren’t complete hooey. Could I have revived the Club of its movie-watching slumber and reap the glory and benefits?

No, I say to myself. That was a task for someone else, someone who may have never existed. It may seem hypocritical and downright lazy, but that was just reality at the time. And if that’s the case, then how many other non-existent leaders are there? Do those positions really matter, and if so will they ever be taken by worthy organizers? Rhetorical questions. That seems to be all that I get from my past experiences. Maybe one day I can get some answers for them published, and become famous. But, there I go again, with another dreams of ambition, head above the skies.

Sengoku Basara: A Historical, In-depth Look at 16th Century Feudal Japan

Japanese mythology has proven itself, time and again, to house many interesting ideas for Anime to bring to life. Some awesome, some bizarre, and most tend to wade the same waters: Samurai, ninjas, giant armies. To be honest, it starts to wear thin every once in a while; seen one ninja anime, seen em’ all, right?

And if you so much as mention Naruto right now, I’ll reach through your computer monitor and strangle you with your own extension cords.

So, anyways, April. A month where all the new spring anime arrives, so as to entertain Japanese school kids all through summer, as well as all the white anime fan boys we’ve got halfway across the great blue yonder. Boy, America really is something, isn't it?

Sengoku Basara, also known as Demon Kings in this here purty country of ours, was a Capcom-made, Playstation 2 fighting game, in which you duke it out as one of several historic Japanese figures of yore. And how well does a game like this translate into an Anime, you ask?

Well, you may be surprised to hear, fairly well.

So here’s the setup: It’s feudal Japan, and the country has been divided into several isolated clans, all seeking to war with one another. Right now, we’re just focusing on two specific armies, each containing one of the two main characters. No doubt the series will get around to formally introducing the other clans, but for now the story is sticking with the two principal characters. Now, I’m unsure what the names of the armies are exactly called, so for now let’s just call them “Red Team” and “Blue Team.” Each team has got a bevy of normal soldiers on their side, as well as roughly three or four Epic Fighters, each with the attack capabilities of roughly seven tons of Nuclear air strikes.

Seriously, these historical figures don’t mess around when it comes to beating the snot out of their opponents.

On Red Team, we’ve got Lord Oyakata, a man as big as a mountain and about as strong as Chuck Norris. Seriously, when you see this guy in action, you will either weep big manly tears or laugh so hard you’ll cry anyways. Then there’s Yukimura, a strong-hearted, spear-blazing kid who happens to be one of the primary characters of this Anime. He’s also extremely trusting of his Master, gullible to the point of being downright idiotic. And finally, there’s the Ninja/scout/advisor guy, Sasuke.

…absolutely NO relation to the Sasuke in “Ninja Anime #3004967975.” And of course you know which anime I’m talking about.

Moving on to Blue Team: Opposing general in charge is an asexual king of sorts. Sorry, but I couldn’t find the name, and I’m not about to decode all the kanji at the official website. Opposite Sasuke, Blue Team’s also got a ninja: Kasuga, one of the few females of the series, and as such is required to wear revealing clothing, obviously built for “stealth.”

Pfffffft. Yeah, whatever keeps the animators happy.

Still on Blue Team: Date Masamune, our other major character alongside Yukimura. He’s a one-eyed samurai warrior that likes to occasionally taunt in broken English, he’s got a cool advisor guy acting as traveling companion, and wields not one, not two, but SIX swords.

You read my words right. He’s got SIX swords. AT THE SAME TIME.

If that hasn’t motivated you to watch this anime, then this series probably isn’t for you.

And finally, we have omnipotent evil incorporated. Let’s call them Team Black for short. Team Black is made up of a variety of super-villains, led by the granddaddy of all Japanese Final Bosses: Oda Nobunaga, the meanest, grimmest Japanese man who ever did live. Mind you, Basara isn’t the first series Nobunaga has been in; I know for a fact that Onimusha had the dude as Leader of All Things Demonic and Evil, and who knows how many other samurai-themed games and movies the man has starred in. All you need to know about the guy is that he’s got a thin mustache, a helmet that Shredder would probably be wanting back, and a penchant for cracking the world in two and releasing demonic evil on the entire world.

Yeah, he’s the real deal.

Let’s move onto the rest of the anime, shall we?

The plot of the anime doesn’t need a whole lot of explaining: war is about, many soldiers are giving up their lives for their clans, and Nobunaga is tearing apart Japan, etc.

When large armies are involved, fight scenes are large in scope and truly are a sight to behold. Fights between two individuals don’t tend to hold up as well, as fights between Masamune and Yukimura (that’s lead blue guy and lead red guy, respectively) tend to be giant flashes of neon with no real progress. Thankfully, they’re all pretty short fights, so you won’t have much to worry about. So far, the real exception has been the Red General Oyakata, who so far, despite having ridiculous hair and armor, has proved that actions speak louder than appearances. You’ll just have to see his first fight scene for yourself to see what I mean, as mere words cannot begin to describe its sheer awesomeness.

Actually, I’m pretty sure I could; I just don’t want to spoil it for those that haven’t seen the second episode yet.

So, to recap: effective,if not somewhat same-y storyline, capped with flashy fights and a “realistic” setting. You might be asking yourself “Why is this guy gushing about this series again?”

Honestly, the real reason you’ll be wanting to watch this series is probably for the characters I’ve already detailed.

Though most of the humor is usually tongue-in-cheek, it still remains effective.

Why?

Because some of the scenes in this Anime are so over-the-top, so unexpected and/or unrealistic, that you’ll frequently want to replay a scene just to get your bearings straight. I mean, just look at some of these guys. Each and every major character in this series is practically an embodiment of a different stereotype found in most every anime or video game. Masamune is the embodiment of every smug, rocking warrior known to man, from Dante (Devil May Cry) to Sol Badguy (Guilty Gear). Oyakata is the quintessential fresh-faced, awe-struck newbie who relishes every moment when he gets to bask in the glow of his Lord (You know, like Spongebob Squarepants). And when these people meet each other, unreal things happen. For instance, when Yukimura and Lord Oyakata congratulate each other, they don’t shake hands or bow graciously. They punch each other in the face.

I mean, Wow.

By the way, did I mention this is mostly an anime now for women?

If I seem like I’m rushing this review, it’s not because it’s late and I desperately want to get some sleep. It’s because the point here has already been discussed: Basara is a spectacle. A show. Something that you don’t watch because there’s any substance in it. It’s more than just mindless fun in my opinion, however, because the term “awesome” tends to disagree regularly with “mindless.” And if you don’t have half a mind to at least check out Sengoku: Basara (the first two episodes, at least), then you haven’t got a mind for action-Anime at all.

GRADE: B+

AUDIENCE: Guys looking for something awesome to watch might think of checking this show out. And if you’re one of those men, then I suggest you do it now, rather than waste any more time trolling on the internet.

Remember: For all your free anime-watching needs, head on over to Rawranime.com.

Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood: The New New NEW Adventures of the Elric Brothers

Holy jumping mother o'God in a side-car with chocolate jimmies and a lobster bib! As luck would have it, I don't have time to review Hellsing: Ulimate today as I had promised earlier. It's April, as many of you have undoubtably noticed, and that means more brand new Anime shows to review than I could possibly have time for, assuming I have a life. But the world works in mysterious ways, so here I am, a hopelessly antisocial geek with more free time than fiestas, here to ignore my precious AP studying in order to bring you (yes, YOU) the latest information on quality broadcasting, straight from the good ol' country of Nihon. (That's Japanese for Japan, for all you Gaijin out there.)

First up to review is FullMetal Alchemist, a series which you may have heard about, assuming that you have a rudimentary knowledge of Anime, manga, or Japan. (That's English for "Of Course You Know What I'm Talking About.") However, this isn't the old FullMetal Alchemist you know. This is an ALL NEW show called FullMetal Alchemist, with BRAND-SPANKING NEW ADVENTURES and INTRIGUE and SUSPENSE and-

Ah, I'm just kidding. It's a remake. Of the same series you've read or seen a dozen times already. I know that I can't fault companies for being greedy here, but isn't there anything else out there to motivate you guys besides money?

But I digress. Here we have FullMetal Alchemist AGAIN, only with a slight visual "upgrade" and some new content. Of course, all the new content is in the first episode, and all of the episodes after that are taken straight from the Anime. So, in essence, it's the exact same show, right?

Now, this is normally where people start saying things like "I've never seen, read, heard of, or even remember the words '20th Century Fantasy' and 'Alchemy' used in the same sentence. So, this Anime should be my ticket aboard the FullMetal train, right???"

...

Well, not exactly.

You see, while the setting, characters, and plot have remained virtually unchanged from the original series, a few unfortunate problems plague this "Re-imagining." For starters, the first episode doesn't exactly introduce any of the characters, assuming that the people watching are already up to speed on the story. The first episode even has a few massive spoilers in store for new viewers, ones which aren't revealed near the end of the first anime. Keep in mind that this is the FIRST EPISODE. After the first episode, the anime goes back to the exact same story the original anime covered, from the Elric brothers' origins as alchemists and onward, albiet with faster narration and story that only the biggest FullMetal fans will keep track of. Frankly, it doesn't make any sense at all.

The animation isn't even better than the original. It's not even an upgrade at all, as I prefered the original series' crisp look to the new style. As far as I could tell, all that BONES, the animation studio did was brighten the outlines on the main character's hair. None of the battles are exceptionally well-choreographed, and the characters haven't become any more detailed than they were before. If anything, they look blander, and more generic.

Way to go, ratcheting that bar up.

In all Honest, I want to wrap this review up as soon as possible, because it's obvious that anyone who would ever watch "Brotherhood" have already seen every episode of the original Anime, read every manga book, have the limited edition FullMetal bookbag, all the Japan-exclusive videogames, and the rest of the merchandise that has been spawned from what had once been an original series. I'm surprised that people are still paying attention to FullMetal when the original author, Hiromu Arakawa, has another series in the making. "Hero Tales," I think.

Where was I? Oh right.

Here's the bottom line: If you've never seen FullMetal Alchemist, then you don't want to see this series. Watch the original anime if you're that curious. If you're an Alchemist fan, then you probably don't want to slog through the same episodes you've seen twice over already. I'll say it again: only the most diehard Alchemist fans would even think about watching this remake. And even then, I doubt they'll actually have any fun. It's just an obligation for them, for a series that, frankly, is running out of steam. I don't actually want the series to end; after all, the videogames still have room for improvement. But, despite being fans, we have to acknowledge that "every good thing comes to an end."

It's just that for FullMetal Alchemist, it ended back in 2006, when the MOVIE came out.

GRADE: C

AUDIENCE: Only the most diehard fans, and even that would be stretching it.

Holy jumping hats, Batman! At this rate, I'll have my grade up in no time. Thanks for reading, and tune in next time for my review of Hellsing: Ultimate.

Basquash! An Anime about Mecha, Basketball and Nike

Hey, kids! It’s ME, ol’ what’s-his-name doing yet another review in a last-ditch attempt to raise my grade and standing with Victoria Yee before the end of the school year. As such, I have decided to expand my fledgling kingdom of videogame reviews to include Anime reviews. Yeah, I admit I watch Japanese animation occasionally, what with being Japanese and a geek and all.
Emphasis on geek.

As of late, Anime seems to have his a slight snag in development. While other animated ventures, such as kid’s movies and cartoon shows have opted more for computer-animation and cheaper, “flat” animation (a la Cartoon Network), Anime still clings stubbornly to the old-school principle of hand-drawn art, rarely enhanced by CGI in any way. I use the word “rarely” because as technology continues its breakneck speed in development, Japan is going to feel its affects any day now. I also use the word “rarely” because, lo and behold, here comes an anime that uses CGI frequently in its action scenes.

To put it in a nutshell, “Basquash!” is a Nike-sponsored anime about people in giant car-like mechs doing battle with each other in plain-old bouts of basketball in an attempt to gain fame and notoriety so that they can travel to the Moon, a wondrous place where all of your dreams can come true; namely money, chicks and fame.

At the center of the series you have Dan, a rebellious kid who’s out to prove to everyone that mecha basketball is as boring a sport as can be, and dreams of going to the Moon because he has a crippled sister who needs surgery only found on the moon, technological marvel that it is. He’s also got an alter-ego called “Dunk Mask” that makes him look like some twisted reexamination of Megaman. He’s also got a morphing pet/mask/alien thing whose name I’m not even going to mention so as to keep the overall stupidity of this article under “acceptably dumb,” even after writing the words “Dunk Mask.” The pet is nothing more than a standard pet mascot character, of which you’ll undoubtedly have ambivalent feelings toward.

And by “ambivalent feelings,” I mean that you’ll be unsure whether you want to crack it over the head with a shovel or a sledgehammer.

Rounding out the remaining roster of characters:
-Miyuki, a childhood friend of Dan who loves obscuring the screen with her…suggestive clothing, as the main character is ever so intent on pointing out,
-Sera, the female antagonist who will no doubt aid Dan in his quest in later episodes,
-Iceman, the shady male antagonist who will never, NEVER aid Dan in his quest,
-Some pop idol group called Eclipse that hails from the moon,
-And the rest of Dan’s childhood friends, who contribute to the plot in their own, subtle ways.
-Oh, and let’s leave some room for an evil shadowy organization that appears later to throw a wrench into the works of LIFE INCARNATE.

And, BAM! With that, I have not only outlined the entire roster of “Basquash!”, but just about every single mainstream action anime ever produced within the last decade. Way to go, myself.
Anyways, the episodes. At the time of this article, there are two episodes out. Oh, one note of clarification: despite at first having an apparent focus on basketball, the series is actually much more than just basketball. Basketball serves as only the setting for more action-oriented themes, such as being the rebel, being a legend, and fulfilling one’s dreams. The omission of such kid-friendly themes like “friendship” and “acceptance” benefit the episodes for older audiences, but I’m sure the later episodes will get around to addressing those concerns as well.

Addressing “Basquash!” from a purely artistic standpoint, I have to admit that whatever slave labor factory Nike outsourced to do the animation did a pretty job with the backgrounds and characters. The characters seem to fit naturally in their environment: a sunny, backstreet slice of the future. The moon looms overhead, complete with swirly lights and holographic advertisements visible from outer space. So, as far as compliments go, I guess you’ll at least have something to look at if you decide to toy with the metaphorical gods of Rationality and watch “Basquash!.”

If I sound irksome, then I might want to turn your head back to my review of “Guitar Hero On Tour: Decades” (and no, not as a shameless tie-in to my other articles). In that review, one of my main arguments was that the company sold out, and made the game short of general expectations. Well, here I am once again, berating another series for the exact same thing. Of course, no matter what I say, it’s highly unlikely that the higher-ups at “We Are Basquash” Incorporated will spend the time to reconsider and start the series anew with better characters and writing, because they’re not doing this for the prestige and the awards. They’re here to make money, and lots of it. Despite having high production values and an original, if not strange setting, “Basquash, Silliest Named Anime of the Year” just doesn’t have enough substance to attract anyone more than the “Ages 10-13” bracket that makes up its target audience, nor does it necessarily aim to. I mean, even the characters have American names and slang; you can tell that this wasn’t made for Japanese audiences. it might as well be only a matter of weeks before they get out the headache-inducing English dub out on American soil, and then what? We’ll have yet another brainless Saturday morning series for our younger brothers to enjoy, and then what? They’ll beg and clamber for the licensed action figures with flashing lights in the aisles of Target, and then what?

I’ll tell you what I was doing a few years ago. I was wondering why the public doesn’t take Anime seriously, why it’s frequently the laughing stock of Japan.

Well, thanks to Nike and their new anime, now I know, and now I don’t really care.

GRADE: C+

AUDIENCE: Probably your younger brother.

Tune in next time for another anime review, dependent on whether I feel cynical or not.

Now go away, before I turn off your computer using my psychic powers of nerdiness.



NOTE: To see all the animes your brain could ever handle, head over to http://www.rawranime.com/, the largest anime library known to mankind. And best of all, it’s free!

Added note: Apparently, the animation studio responsible for Basquash's animation is "Satelight," who've also helped with "Hellsing Ultimate," an anime series I actually like. With any luck, the next review might not be so cynical, after all.